Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
