Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
