at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
