I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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