well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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