I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
