So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
