I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
