on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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