one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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