I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
