I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
