I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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