Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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