why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
