oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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