ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
