At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
