You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
