i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize