Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
