well I can't set my house on fire every night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
