Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
