We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
