Sry I called you an 8
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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