i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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