be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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