New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
