this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
