My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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