redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
