I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
