I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
