You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
