all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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