OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
