You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
