I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
