We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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