It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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