Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize