i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
