He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
