i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
