I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
