He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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