Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Still dying that you shit outside
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
