drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
