I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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