# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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