oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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