New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
