I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
