And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
