lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
