smell my finger.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
