So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
