Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
