i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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