after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
