I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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