Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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