areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
