yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm getting married
To pizza
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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