my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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