Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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