i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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