On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
