using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
