My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
