He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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